i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize