dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Only a mothe r could love this liver
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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