what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i've created a new STD.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
