Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize