I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have fence marks all over my body
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
