So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
