If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I die, sorry about rent.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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