just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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