I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
