In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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