By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
