STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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