My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
