I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize