i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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