im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
