You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
