remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
