Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
