I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
