I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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