She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
