i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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