tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
