I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The power of my boobs compel you
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
