You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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