Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
