Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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