I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
