Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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