so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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