her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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