My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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