what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
