i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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