Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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