You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
