New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
