My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
