He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
