Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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