Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
