I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
