My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
