I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
