White coat. Heels.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Panties = found
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