This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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