Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize