Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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