nut hugger
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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