Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize