cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
