Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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