So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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