I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
