some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
