he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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