i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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