I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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