Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
