so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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