like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize