my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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