He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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