yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
