Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
