i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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