ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
