I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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