I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
should my penis look like a turkey
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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