I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
